No medicine things today. A chance to get away and forget what my body is going through and has in store. It's a Relief Society retreat up the canyon. It's been planned for months, and I'm excited to go and forget. No mention of the C word today.
Lovely ride up the canyon with new friends. The water is really boiling on its mad dash down the mountain. Fun to watch.
Whoops! There's one of my best friends standing at the side of the road. I'm almost in tears just looking at you, Cindy. You were close for the last go around. You know of my concerns and fears right now. Just keep it together, Trish. Let's pretend for one day that things are okay again in the world.
Great lunch. Fun break-the-ice games. Find someone who is as tall as you. What? Never mind. Stupid games that are prejudiced against short people! Don't tell my family, but I had the nurse measure my height to prove that I'm really 5'0" tall. Huh! Guess again. 4'11.5"--nice try!
Classes on easy meals and personal scripture study plan (needed that one!). Zip line activity. Watched most of that one. Not brave enough to try or too concerned that I would be the one that would get hurt on the thing. Took lots of fun pictures of others doing it though. And got to try the brake position once. Good thing it was only once. Probably would have broken something on that too.
Back massages and chances to help with humanitarian projects. Great dinner. Ahhhh. I needed this break.
Special guest speaker, Colleen Terry who's spoke at Women's Conference and is an Institute teacher at UVU. Could be fun.
Oooh, she is fun. Served a mission in the Lansing, Michigan Mission--where I grew up. Interesting. Oh, and look. She tilts her head to the side and talks in exaggerated voices while telling stories. Just like me. I already like her and feel that we're very similar in some ways.
She's talking about trials and challenges, and I'm starting to feel like an emotional wreck. What aren't I learning about such things? What could a third round of cancer teach me? And why does it take me three times to learn these lessons?
Interesting. Colleen's telling about finding a lump under her collarbone. Hey! I know what that is--probably. She doesn't think it's anything; forgets to call for the results until her sister makes her promise to do so. I know what it is even before she says the words. I just don't want to hear them out loud. "Hodgkins lymphoma." I lose it. There it is. My diagnosis as well.
Thank you, Jennifer, for being there, right at my side. I collapse into you, sobbing and trying in vain to still the fears of my heart as Sis. Terry continues on about how individualized our challenges are, how they're a sign that we're ready to grow more. But what if I don't want to grow? What if I don't think I can do it again? I can handle chemo. I know that; know what to expect. But there's already been talk of a bone marrow transplant this time, and that terrifies me.
I know Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ live. I know He and His son love me. I know the Spirit brings great peace and comfort. I've had those witnesses numerous times, so why is this time so scary and why do I feel so far away from them? It feels like there's very little hope in the world right now.
Darn! So much for a break today.
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