Maybe Too Much Optimism

So sometimes I forget how hard things are when you're fighting cancer.

I know that outcome, so I just want to focus on that and stay upbeat and positive. Everything will work out okay, so why dwell on anything else?

Well, sometimes the pains of this life intervene in my plans.

I'm sitting here, absolutely sick to my stomach. The thought of any food makes me immediately ill. And I'm throwing up violently. I feel like I did when I was seven, when all I could do after each treatment is throw up violently for about 18 hours. Yuck! Darn Fludarabine and Cytoxan.

They gave me an anti-nausea medication by IV, but I warned them that ondasetron (Zofran) doesn't do it by itself. They wanted to prove that it wasn't enough though. Drat!

And the three places where they had to cut me to place my central line are pretty painful, especially the middle one. It feels like I'm constantly being cut by a sharp knife and that knife isn't being pulled out. In fact, it's staying in and being twisted every once in while.

So I'm in pain (maybe at a level 6 for me). It's ratcheting up the pain scale as the night continues onward. But I'm nauseous and vomiting, so I don't dare take anything for the pain.

I'm not looking forward to sleeping tonight. In fact, I feel like crying and having a little pity party for myself. Darn it!

Why do things have to get so hard? They'll be better in the morning. I know that, so why isn't that enough to pull me out of my funk tonight? Why can't I continue focusing on the outcome of all this? I will be healed!

No Dr. Jay This Time

I decide to go into work on Monday morning, because I agreed to cover for my team. Cancer or not, I'm a person of my word.

While I'm at work, I'm trying to navigate how to set up radiation appointments.

So Corrine from Dr. Jay's office is back in the office and relays this unfortunate news: since we now have Blue Cross/Blue Shield insurance, Dr. Jay isn't a covered provider for them. He's only an IHC (SelectHealth/SelectMed) provider, so I need to contact the nearest radiation oncologist--in Provo!

I immediately put in a call to the Radiation Oncology department at Central Utah Clinic in Provo and leave a message.

About 11:00 am, I haven't heard back from Provo, so I call again. Finally I get through to the receptionist who tells me that the soonest that she can fit me in is Friday afternoon. Really? Are you kidding me? I know how scheduling goes and know that there is room in their schedule sometime before Friday.

The waiting game is the worst part for me. When you know you have a serious medical condition and you know what the next step is, why do you have to wait for it?

I decide I can't handle waiting, so I call the receptionist on her statement. "Really? There are no possible appointment times from Monday afternoon until Friday afternoon? With two doctors in the office? Are they on vacation? At a conference? Surely, we can take the next step without having to wait until Friday? I know how this goes. This will be my third time getting radiation and it's my fourth time dealing with Hodgkins lymphoma. Isn't there something we can do to move things along?"

She bristling a little, but then starts explaining that Dr. McAllister first needs a referral from Dr. Wendy. Then, he needs time to receive all of my records and time to review them, so Friday is probably the first chance he'll have to get everything he needs.

"It's okay; I understand what you're telling me. What can I do to speed up the process? I'll hang up now and make sure Dr. Wendy's office calls you immediately. What else? What records does Dr. McAllister need? I'll get them and hand deliver them to your office if it will help."

So finally acquiesces that if they get the referral call and if they get my medical records faxed over from Dr. Wendy, she can fit me in on Wednesday. Whew! One obstacle down.